Stolen from SPIFFYKITTY for your amusement ::GIGGLES::
((*My responses are in parenthesis*))
This was a message posted in fliers passed around a church...
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.
Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing. (*Ponders* wow...come to mention it...I DO have lots of goth clothing)
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. (right...music is the key to all hell)
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various
other Satanic worshipping symbols. (HEY- I LIKE SILVER WICCAN SYMBOLS! bite me biatch)
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. (...oooo body art ::Droool:: )
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. *Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.*
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically. (damn the foreigners?)
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. (Excuse me... the last church event I went to, the preacher's son stole my wallet.)
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs. (*Grins evilly*)
-Drinks alcohol (whoops...going to hell...)
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. (like 80% of americans?)
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. -This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center-
-Complains of boredom. (please...masses enough are the sole reason for people "getting sick" on sundays)
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. (Work...work...school...work...*CRASH AND BURN!*)
-Is excessively awake during the night. (its called insomnia???)
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light.- This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.- (Or people like me who despise getting sunburns?)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. (doesn't everybody?)
-Spends large amounts of time alone. (that just makes them a loner)
-Requests time alone and quietness. -This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits.-
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (Because adults are downers...)
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. (Um, I BELIEVE it's called "Count CHOCULA!"---stolen from Kristi---right...so if your kid wants some count chocula...they are satanic? what the fuck dude)
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
-Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.-
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. -Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.- (CABLE IS THE COMMUNICATION OF THE DEMONS!!! FEAR FOR YOUR VERY LIFE- you idiot.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.(but i've got a lot to do! lots of friends to talk to...lots of RPing to do...I MEAN- lots of holy discussions as an elf...)
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. (head banging is satanic??? wow...Evanesence concerts are sin-meetings then...)
-Dances to music in a provocative manner.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. (wow...my mom was right...being a lesbian IS TOTALLY a satanic past time...::shrug:: oh well.)
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. (PHILOSOPHY!? yet these are the same people that want us to see therapists that quote such philosophers?! merde...)
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". "I'm so gothic, I'm dusty." "I'm so gothic, I can BLEED on command."
(...someone has some gothy issues...)
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
...or, if you actually take this flier SERIOUSLY, please enlist YOURSELF into your local mental health center.
Thank you Current Mood: amused